Kpop Intros – The Bloody Footsteps

One of the things that makes Kpop music videos Kpop, is the overly indulgent introduction. Well, actually not just the intro, the whole bloody thing is generally self indulgent please-look-at-me-for-15%-to-50%-longer-than-the-length-of-the-song-ness. Or in TVXQ’s case, 200% longer than the actual song by adding other songs and a short movie!

Tangent.

Back to point. Kpop is indulgent with the MV’s and is generally known for being kinda same-y. But that’s what’s part of it’s charm. You kinda know what you’re gonna get and you’re probably going to like it, but they just add a twist so it feels a little bit new. But there’s only so many twists you can do before something comes back full circle.

Take Kpop’s intros for example. At this stage they seem to come standard issue. You can have general atmospheric sound to set the tone (Breath by Beast or Like This by Wonder Girls), a phone call conversation (2NE1’s I Don’t Care or GD and Park Myung Soo’s I’m Having an Affair), sound effects to set the scene (Fiction by Beast or Supa Luv by Teen Top) or you could just pretend that your song is part of a J.R.R.Tolken novel. Literally, anything goes. So why oh why would you need to have the same Kpop intro sound exactly like another existing Kpop song?

More specifically, the bloody footsteps…

The use of sfx is an opportunity to indicate to the listener something relevant to the song without saying it verbally. Beast does this well in Fiction, by using the pencil scratching sfx to indicate that this song’s love story is a work of fiction. Less integral to the song, Teen Top just uses sci-fi sfx to ease you into it’s electro auto-tuned sound. However, footsteps say nothing.

People walk, and thus foot step sounds are made. People walk for a variety of reasons. When I hear footsteps, I don’t wonder where they’re walking to or why someone is walking because it’s impossible to know just from that sound. There is no added information to be gained by the listener from listening to footsteps apart from “Ah this song probably isn’t about a paraplegic”.

The fact that people have used this meaningless sound effect as an intro is fair enough.

The fact that people are copying it just feels very lazy.

The fact that they’re all just swanning around in this useless time filler just makes me want to shout at my monitor – “Hurry up and just sing the bloody song!”


Added at a later date:

If you know of more, please pop the link in the comments. I’d like to get a Footsteps category of Kpop going.

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DBSK’s Saesangs – Fans that love them too much.

I wanted to write a bit about the awesomeness of DBSK before getting into their controversies but recent news compels me to write about their number one hardship; their fans.

Seems like a trivial thing to say. “Oh boo hoo, my fans love me too much. What a cruel cruel world~”, but in DBSK’s case, it’s true and when I say fan I mean, criminal psychopathic fans, aka Saesangs.

“Sasaeng” (사생) is short for “sasaenghwal” (사생활), which in Korean means “privacy” or “private life.” Essentially they are the fans who what to know everything about and try to be a part of their idol’s private life. Everyone dreams about having drinks with their favourite celebrity but that’s not what saesangs are about. They take it to a negative, criminal and psychopathic level.

Saesang fans are a separate group to the anti-fans, groups that hate specific idols. Anti-fans known simply as antis, hate their chosen idols and wish harm upon them, which DBSK are also no stranger to. In 2006 Yunho was poisoned by an anti with super glue. After vomiting blood, he was rushed to hospital and later recovered.

 

As disturbing as that is, Saesangs are worse than antis and the worst saesang fans are known to belong to DBSK. Or you could say DBSK belong to them…

The motivation of an anti is to hurt their targets. DBSK’s antis want to hurt DBSK. Simple.

The motivation of a Saesang is to be remembered by their chosen idols. DBSK’s Saesangs want to be imprinted on DBKS’s life in any way possible, and the easiest way is a negative way. Unlike regular people who at most buy some tabloid magazines with their idol’s photos inside, Saesangs don’t have a line.


There have been many reports, some even occurring  in the news, about Saesang conduct, but here’s the news fresh from today. Note how whenever there is talk of Saesangs, DBSK and JYJ are always involved. Poor guys 😦

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Dongbangshinki aka DBSK aka TVXQ… – Part 1 a Brief Intro

So the real purpose of this post was The Part 2 but, it wouldn’t really be fair to just jump into the middle of a joke and expect everyone to get it. So here is a brief introduction to Dong Bang Shin Ki (Korean full name) aka DBSK (Korean short) aka THSK (Japanese short) aka To Ho Shin Ki (Japanese full name) aka TVXQ (International short) aka Tong Vfang Xien Qi (Chinese full name). Basically, they all mean or stand for “Rising Gods of the East”.

Who the hell are they? They’re these guys.

Continue reading

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CNBlue – First Step (towards being a pack of douche bags)

I don’t like CNBlue!

I’ve only knowingly listened to one of their songs. The song’s not even that bad. However, the music video is terrible!

So yes, I am shallow. I dislike CNBlue because of the only music video of theirs that I’ve ever been bothered to watch. I also judge books by their covers. So there.

Sepia vignette says ‘We’re old school and keepin’ it real!’

What’s so bad about CNBlue? Well, judging from what their music video told me, their either LIARS or just very very naive. Despite how they would like to portray themselves, they are in fact not ‘bad boys’.

It could just be the whole cultural misunderstanding of what a ‘bad boy’ really is. The Urban Dictionary’s account for what a bad boy is, is

he’s independent and willful; he does what he wants when he wants; he doesn’t follow trends, they follow him; he often looks scruffy, but hip; he’s not looking for trouble, but there’s a sense of danger about him. He’s a heartbreaker with five o’clock shadow.

OK, just going on the 5 o’clock shadow thing alone, I can safely say

THERE’S NO SUCH THINGS AS BAD BOYS IN KPOP!

Sorry Big Bang but you’re wrong!

I would also like to state what a bad boy isn’t. A bad boy isn’t a guy that wears make up in order to look pretty. A bad boy isn’t super fashionable and constantly kitted out in brand new clothing. A bad boy doesn’t accept advertising deals.

Back to CNBlue. I’m simply speculating and my opinion is based on nothing, but I honestly believe that CNBlue take up a ‘bad boy’ image because, that’s the cool thing to do in a rock band. Ironically, in the rock industry, there could be nothing more conformist than having a rebellious persona, especially when you’re actually a bunch of mummies boys!

CNBlue Christmas Morning: The angst of only getting clothes as gifts.

OK, enough CNBlue bashing. Let’s get to the CNBlue music video bashing!

This music video would like to take you on a journey of a night with the badasses known as CNBlue. You will be a witness to their crimes and independence and I don’t give a f*ck attitude. Open video on a cityscape at night, all skyscrapers and street lamps. So much potential for mayhem! Are you ready? CNBlue are!

They’ve got gas masks ffs!

This is going to be good! Oh, no, wait, they took them off already… never mind. So they’re off. They’re a hustling down the walkway by a freeway, and omg! No they didn’t! They’re J-walking! Sure there’s no traffic on the road but still. They just risked their lives with reckless abandon. Such bad boys!

What’s next on the bad boy agenda? Graffiti! That’s what. Graffiti for days!

This’ll show ’em who’s boss!

Tagging your name, I’m ok with that as long as it’s somewhat artistic and I give a lot of artistic leeway in terms of the talent department. Not everyone can be Banksy. But spraying lines with no meaning, just to ruin something is pretty douche baggy in my opinion. Whatever about your independence, drawing lines is pointless. It says nothing except F U to all those who walk by.

Funnily enough, this kind of graffiti doesn’t happen in Korea, at least not in my experience.  I doubt they understand how douche baggy the act of drawing pointless lines really is. They, or their music video director probably just saw it in a movie once and decided to copy it. So in this case CNBlue have a choice between being copy cats, not very independent/bad boy or being douche bags.

They then trespass their way to a skyscraper rooftop jam, shrugging off waygook (Korean for foreigner) security guards, hopping over turn styles (oh when will the rebellion end?) and doing the compulsory rap part in a shiny room/corridor, all along the way.

Shiny hallway rap. Double safe!

 

On the roof they have a nice singalong in their Sunday best; blazers and things, apart from one guy who’s only wearing a semi casual new black leather jacket (the bad boy of the bad boy group).

At the very end, the waygook security squad reach the roof only to find that the boys have vanished, leaving their name painted in massive writing on the roof.

A hillarious observation from TheProcrastinator42 commented on their youtube video “one does not simply leave a crap-load of expensive equipment on a wet, non-sheltered rooftop. unless you are CNBlue.”

 

 

In conclusion, CNBlue are very ordinary and middle of the road. There’s nothing wrong with that! Just be honest.

To be fair, this was their first album. Maybe they were trying too hard. They’ve since released a new album called Ear Fun. I haven’t listened to it. Sorry CNBlue. You lost me at First Step.

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Korean Google Searches

Google tries to anticipate what you are searching for based on what other people have been typing into Google. I’m not sure if that’s specifically Korean people typing into Google since it’s Google.co.kr or its a global thing.

I saw this idea somewhere on the net but I can’t remember where it’s from. Anyway, it’s not my idea.

 

“What is that mean”

Judging by Google, I should still have a job as an English Teacher for a while.

 

 

“What are these areas of a fetal pig called”

……………

 

 

“What are those things that you see in your eyes”

……..Vision!?

“What are those strawberries”

…………strawberries?

“What are those funny pictures called”

………. please wait until the bionic Google ‘I see what you see’ update has become available. Only then can we give you a response.

 

I think for these cases it’s important to know that Google is a search engine, not a mind reader.

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Students – Gender-bending

Conversation class with 13 year old Korean, female students. Their English isn’t great but they can communicate.

Me: “What is your dream?”

Student: “My dream is to be a businessman!”

“Businessman? You want to be a man?”

[All the other girls giggle]

“Yes! First I want to be a man. Then I want to be a businessman.”

“But, to become a man is very expensive. The doctors will want a lot of money.”

“Teacher, transgender no! I just want look like man.”

“You just want to look like a man?”

“Yes! Man is very handsome~”

“Do you want a boyfriend?”

“No!”

“…You just want to look like a man?”

“Yes!”

“Okay…”

Now every time I see her in the hallway I say “Ah, hello businessman.” She giggles.

Also, I’ve no idea how all the kids know what transgender means…

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Shinee Lucifer – So good! Soooo bad – Part 1

Way back when I first came to Korea, a little Korean girl asked me “Teacher, do you know Shinee?” I replied “Whatsa ‘shiny’?” She replied “hul….” Basically the Korean passive version of wtf? So that night I looked up Shinee – Lucifer and that’s how I popped my Kpop cherry.

Shinee – Lucifer ……….. it’s just so f*cking good. SOOO Good. It is the essence of Kpop in a distilled time of 3 minutes and 58 seconds. It’s just so genius and perfect, that any remaking of it would surely be a mistake (apart from ecconomically of course). And so Shinee – Lucifer (Japanese Version) was born, and honestly, what a dissapointment. It’s obviously aimed at Japanese people, I’m not Japanese. I hate it. Why? Well first we’ve got to explain what makes the original Korean version so good! Then I can clearly illustrate why the Japanese version is a big bag of hairy anus (figuratively speaking of course).

Shinee – Lucifer (Korean Version)

Honestly, I’ve no idea what this song is about and I don’t care to look it up. Judging by their use of English I’d say, the lyrics are probably not that deep. The only bits I can recall are “Love-aholic, love-atronic. Love-aholic, love-atronic.”, “Marago, marago” which means what what, and something something about a ‘boner’. The song is alright but it’s definitely the video that makes this song legendary.

Bullshit Intro

BIP BIP BIP BIP BIP BIP BIP x4 with a few extra BIPS here and there and that’s it! A total of four seconds! Most Kpop intros are long and full of hidden meaning and deep emotion aka 30 seconds of who gives a toss before the song starts. Not Lucifer – BIP! BIP! BIP! BIP! BIP! BIP! BIP! Does what it says on the tin! While all this BIP-ping is going on, you get some fast cut visuals of Shinee stood in front of shiny cars in a shiny room and ‘sexy face’ close ups of each band member. What are they saying? “Could we be any more Shinee? AND we’re sexy!” This is one of my favourite Kpop intros. It’s basically like getting attacked about the ears and eyes by a proverbial Kpop c*ck.

Story

Well, Shinee seem to be trapped in a series of shiny rooms or dingy tunnels. All of these rooms/tunnels are haunted by a ghost who manifests himself as a bunch of wispy lines of colour. Shinee perform a sing and dance and with their power combined, the spirit is exorcised!

Focal point?

The Kpop Experience

“WTF are they wearing?!” Seems to be a universal statement upon first viewing of this video. Closely followed by “Is that a chic or a dude?” followed by “They’re ALL dudes?!? But, but, but, but?!” (As if the Bip Bip Bip Bip Bip Bip bit was foreshadowing this statement.)

It’s the clothes, the make up, the gender bending, the everything! I feel so conflicted loving this video so much. On the one hand its a bunch of not bad looking, skinny, muscly dudes dancing around – yum ^^. On the other, they’re dressed like gaylords, wearing make-up and doing some very feminine dance moves – I think I might be gay ;_;. So I feel intriegued and yet, doubting my sexuality liking this. It’s like playing musical gay chicken.

Honestly, words can’t do Lucifer justice. So here’s a series of images with captions and you can judge yourself.

Dancing in front of a car for no reason, wearing my clothes from the cosplay shop.

Saved by the Bell - Korea

Dude wearing make up and fur.

Its a girl!

Boobs are missing, maybe it's not a girl.

IT IS A GIRL!

What the hell are you and what are you doing? 😦

 

Highlights 

The whole thing is a bloody highlight.

 

Comparison with Lucifer in Japanese in part 2

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